I've been worrying a little bit. I don't consider myself to be a "worry wart", but certain things do get me a little anxious.
I mean, we are going to be a family of four. Two kids! One feels pretty difficult. Two, I can't imagine right now. Can we handle it? I guess we'll have to accept a new kind of crazy. A good crazy, but crazy still.
This post may seem ridiculous, silly, or a waste of your time. But this is a space where I can share my thoughts and know that I have friends out there that can pray for us, give us advice, and encourage us. I love that.
One of the things that gets me emotional is thinking about it not being "just us" anymore (just Madison and us). I mean, I was kind of sad thinking about closing the chapter on the "just us" before Madison joined us. Now, my heart is breaking a little bit that it won't be all about her.
Let me first say, I never wanted to have just one child. She is so young at this point that for her, she isn't thinking about a sibling entering the world and taking attention away from her. Because she is so young, I feel it my responsibility to think for her right now. Just like when we go outside and she tries to eat all the pebbles, leaves, and dirt that she can find. In thinking for her, I'm jealous in a weird way. Does that even make sense? I just get so teary thinking about this huge life transition FOR HER and wonder how I am going to make her realize that my love for her will not change in any way. But I also know my time for her will change. Then I come back to reality that she is 13 months old. When the baby is born, she won't even be 2 years old. They will be 18/19 months apart. Maybe her being so young will make it easier on her. I hope so! She will never know life without a sibling. She won't ever remember that year and a half where mommy and daddy were all about her.
In the meantime, I'm hugging her extra tight and enjoying every fun play time we have together.
I realize this is just me, again, mourning a very special stage of our lives that will irrevocably change.
Moms with multiple kids...any thoughts or advice on going from one to two kids?
Some of my thoughts.... feel free to disregard them if they aren't helpful to you. :) I'm the youngest of two - my brother is 14 months older than me. So my mom didn't have much time with just him - but she also never had any time with just me! (My brother stayed in town for his first year of college, so I didn't ever really get to experience being an only child.) I know you don't know your new baby yet, but in all fairness to him, I wonder if you'll regret not having as much time with him. Not that that's easier than having less time with the sweet girl you know already, but I guess my point is that I LOOOVE being so close in age to my brother! We played (and fought) a lot as kids, but we are super close now, and our spouses get along great too. Anyways, I think you will adjust just fine to having two little ones, because you already did it with one! :)
ReplyDeleteSydni--that's true!!! Once we meet our new baby, I think not just our situation but my thoughts on this will change. I've thought a lot about implementing one on one time with each individual kid (both mommy and daddy) so we can really give them THEIR time. I'm so glad to hear that you love being so close to your brother! I have 3 siblings but I'm not that close in age with any of them, so I can't relate. I do think it will be so fun for them when they get older! :-)
Deletei think those thoughts are really, really normal. i felt that way when i was pregnant, and even after mary virginia was born. i had to continually remind myself that one of the BIG reasons we had #2 was for david -- because i think siblings are SO AWESOME and it's great for him to learn at an early age that the world doesn't revolve around him. he doesn't need his every desire met immediately. it's good to learn to share, wait, consider others, etc.
ReplyDeletei do miss one on one time with him. recently i told tom that i wanted a david-mommy date. (they have david daddy dates ALL THE TIME!)
i will say, though, in pregnancy the feelings are worse (or were for me) because you were splitting time with an idea. you haven't met your baby yet, he's just an idea. once he's here it'll be different. you guys will be a seamless family of 4 in no time. seriously, i can't imagine it just being david and me anymore.
you are so wise! I totally agree, we never wanted Maddie to be an only child, and we both LOVE siblings. I really do want her to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her (of course) and I'm excited/nervous to see her learn these very important lessons. At the same time, I remember the daddy daughter dates that I had with JUST my dad and the times when JUST my mom and I hung out. They were rare, but so special. I really want to have those times both for Bryce and I with each kid. And yes, I agree, it's hard without the baby actually here, just an idea and all these thoughts in anticipation.
DeleteI feel the same way!! About even the idea of #2 since I'm not pregnant. Thx for sharing. Will love to hear about your thoughts on this after he is born!
DeleteMary-yes! I'll have to write a follow up post about being a family of 4! :-) So crazy to think that we will be 4 soon!
DeleteElissa Our two are 19 months apart. I did not want to have an ONLY child as I had seen many but I say that to say It is DIFFICULT I had 2 in diapers, 2 with chicken pox and 2 trying to juggle naps. It is not easy. Of course, I also had the privilege of staying home with them. I chose to be a stay at home mom no matter the lack of income. This was 35 years ago and the times they are a changing. I know you and Bryce will love the little Whited so much and just do what you sense is correct don;t try to make one of them feel not neglected.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I've heard it will be difficult in the beginning, but as they get older, it will be so fun. We are getting pretty excited :-)
DeleteJack and Kayla are 19 months apart and I loved it. You might have two in diapers, but also two who are napping at the same time! Love it now. And I will say that some of my most precious, favorite memories are of the two of them as littles- he loved her so much. Now, they are such good friends. Not to say there won't be moments you want to pull your hair out but there will be so much joy, too.
ReplyDeleteBryce and I have talked about Jack and Kayla multiple times!! We kept thinking they were under 2 years apart. I am so glad you replied! So encouraging. We are getting excited. I hope they are great friends :-)
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