Pregnancy #2 Progress: 36 weeks

I'll be 37 weeks on Sunday...so really, this little guy could come any time now.  I'm really hoping that he comes right around his due date so our schedule works out nicely.  But really, we all know that these things can't be scheduled perfectly.  Living plane rides from family who wants to meet a new little baby makes scheduling extra difficult.  I am pretty envious right now of those who are just a car ride away from parents and in laws and siblings who are eager to help in the first weeks after a baby...take advantage of that and enjoy it :-)  In the meantime, I'll keep thanking God at the wonderful friends he has provided for us here that continue to bless us!  AND for the family that will be able to fly out and visit.

Belly:

Here's one from this past week.

Aches, pains, cravings, and everything else:

Not much new.  I'm feeling pretty good, not sleeping great, and pretty uncomfortable with my basketball belly.   Thankful that the acid reflux hasn't been too bad and that I can get around fine.  I have noticed that by 7 or 8pm almost every evening, my feet start to ache.  That's when I'd like to call it a night and go to bed, but bedtime usually happens at 9:30/10pm for us.  

Still craving sweets, sweets, and more sweets.

Little boy is active but slowing down because I think he is running out of room in there.  His movements now feel like little mini jabs into my side or pelvis.  I keep trying to imagine holding him or just watching him in his bouncer seat kick those little legs.

We have a LOT going on in the next few weeks, of which I'll share on the blog in the next few days.  But for now, I'm taking deep breaths and trying hard not to stress.  

Also...I'm SOOOO excited....I have my baby shower tomorrow with a bunch of sweet girl friends!!!!  I cannot wait!

Pregnancy #2 Progress: 32 weeks

Oh my goodness, we have 8 weeks left!  Even less actually, since I'll be 33 weeks on Sunday.

Belly:

I have been so bad about taking regular pictures and keeping a journal of this pregnancy!  Here are a few recent pictures.

24 weeks

28 weeks

30 weeks

32 weeks

Aches, pains, cravings, and everything else:

Just feeling uncomfortable now.  He has been head down as of recently and it literally feels like his head it in between my pelvic bones.  It feels so low.  With my sweet little lady, I am bending over all day picking up toys, crumbs, sitting on the floor and standing up over and over, and then bending over to pick up the little 25 lb rascal multiple times a day.  Needless to say, these tasks feel like hard work with a basketball balancing on my pelvic bones.

Praise the Lord---I don't have gestational diabetes!  I took my glucose test a couple weeks ago and to my extreme surprise, it came back negative!  I was actually really nervous about it.  With Maddie, I craved salty.  With this little guy, I am eating more sweets than I have in a long time.  May be since college?  I often have 2 desserts a day (it could be a scoop of ice cream, a few chocolates, chocolate milk, a cookie, brownies, more brownies, a donut, a sweet drink from Starbucks, or two scoops of ice cream...).  Bryce traveled to Switzerland (again) for 10 days at the end of February and I actually made a 9x13" pan of brownies FOR MYSELF.  I ate one or two a day and called it my "counting down til Daddy gets home" treat.  There was one small brownie left for him when he got home.

He is moving all the time!  I can't remember as clearly whether Maddie was this active, but maybe we have another little active athlete on our hands?  And just maybe they can chase each other and wear each other out and take wonderfully long naps while Mommy puts her feet up on the couch and has more time to blog?!

We've made a little progress on our "nursery" (/office).  Now I've been busy tackling a few sewing projects and DIY decor like frames and things.  I'll post in a few weeks when I've made a little more progress on those projects.  I am really thankful for a few extra moments to work with my hands and get back into some sewing.

So excited to meet the little guy!!!!!  Still can't believe we are adding a sweet little man to our family.  What a blessing.

Baby BOY Nursery

I hope that last post didn't give out the wrong impression.  Most importantly:

1. I am so thrilled about having a boy, Madison having a sibling, and about expanding our family.
2. I have many moments where I am overwhelmed with thankfulness.  Literally, I feel like my heart will burst because of how blessed we are to have the opportunity to have children together and to raise a family together with my best friend.
3. I am not ignorant.  It's not all rainbows and smiles.  I know that having 2 kids will be a challenge and that this is the end of a chapter in life.  Yet, a challenge that we are excited to take on and an end that I am willing to accept for all the joy that will come with it.

Now that those things are clear, time to think about our sweet little boy!

I've spent too many hours looking at little boys rooms, thinking about colors, projects, and dreaming of cuddling with him.  I can't believe the third trimester will be here in just a few weeks!  Time is flying.

Just like with Madison, planning the nursery is so fun for me with a couple little projects and time to get excited.

After a long time looking at fun fabrics, I fell in love with this series of prints called "backyard baby" by Michael Miller Fabrics.  I love an aqua blue with a touch of orange and navy.

Not sure if I'll use all of those fabrics yet, but we'll see.

Of course, my husband quickly pointed out that we CANNOT have just orange and navy because those are the colors of UVA.  He of course said, now maroon and orange, that is a great possibility.  I love Virginia Tech, but sorry, I'm not going to do a Virginia Tech themed nursery.  (So I eliminated most of the navy fabrics that I liked)

My dad gave me an old set of a young buck's antlers which I plan to hang in his room, along with some other pieces of art.  I've already ordered this fly fishing gear print on Etsy which Bryce and I both love.

(here)

These room ideas are some of my favorites for little boys.

(here)

(here)

Can't wait to spend time with him rocking, cuddling, and playing in there!

Pregnancy #2 Progress: 24 weeks

Unfortunately, I lost my cell phone at Thanksgiving, so I don't have any earlier belly photos than 20 weeks!

Belly:

20 weeks

22 weeks

Aches, pains, and everything else:
Pregnancy so far has been hard.  Not that hard from other perspectives, but from my experience, definitely harder and different than Madison.  Of course, pregnancy with Madison was easy peasy.  For this one, I was pretty nauseous every day for most of the day up until about 15 weeks.  Oddly enough, the only time I was not nauseous was when I woke up in the morning.  It started getting harder to sleep well right around 15 weeks.  I'm pretty exhausted, but that's fine and expected since I'm still working and chasing a toddler around every day.  With Madison, I was not nauseous AT ALL.  I basically stopped running on a regular basis at about 10 weeks.  This was/is pretty difficult for me, since I ran 3-4 miles a day up until about 21 weeks with Madison, plus student teaching, finishing my masters, and working.  I'm learning to give myself grace in this area, which is tough because I see others pregnant and able to run so well (and others feeling so well, too!).  I'm already trying to figure out when I can sign up for a half marathon post-baby.

On top of those things, I am extremely emotional.  You need to know, I am not exaggerating.  I have spent many minutes trying different strategies to not burst into tears.  At church, singing (I mean, sometimes it's the first worship song we sing!), in the car listening to the radio, at Bible study getting to know other women, letting myself think too much about how fast Madison is growing up, missing things from "home" whether it be North Carolina, family, friends, or Blacksburg.  I have prayed multiple times that I would pull myself together and not be emotional.  Having a "moment" is fine, but having moments almost every day?  Not that fun or necessary.  There has been multiple moments Bryce has has to ask me, "Why are you crying?", to which I respond, "I don't know!"  I usually do have a reason for crying, but it's not something that I probably would've burst into tears about pre-pregnancy.  It could be worse.  Much worse.  In fact, I have it pretty easy compared to many.

Lately, I have been really struggling with acid reflux/heart burn.  So much that I avoid eating as often as I can because I know how uncomfortable I will be.  Prilosec, Tums, and Zantac are not helping at all.  Any tips or tricks would be greatly appreciated!

Number one, please understand, I am SO so so thankful to be pregnant.  I am also so thankful that I am not bed-ridden or so nauseous that I have to be hospitalized like Kate Middleton.  If you plan to see me, just bring tissues and Tums.

Movement:
Every day now!  I started feeling little kicks around 17 weeks.  Just in the last couple weeks the kicks have become much stronger and more regular.  I can actually see my stomach move now and Bryce can feel the little guy.  So fun!

When I'm not chasing my busy bee toddler, I've been having fun getting ideas for the nursery.  Can't wait to get it ready for our little boy!

I'm so excited for everything boy and thankful for a healthy little one!

It's a...

I am beyond excited to tell you...

that this precious little one

is a 

BOY!

Madison's Birth Story

Let me just say, I have been working on this post for a week...in between nursing, changing diapers, trying to catch up on sleep, and occasionally checking email or calling a friend.  Life of a new mom! :-)

On Tuesday night, September 11th, I had what I considered my first real labor contraction at 9:34 p.m. while on the phone with Nanny.  That evening, I had about 6 contractions before we went to bed around 11:00 p.m..  Figuring it was not real labor but just my body getting ready for it, I took a Benedryl and went to sleep.  Poor Bryce did not sleep much.  He woke up every hour to make sure I was okay and still sleeping.

On Wednesday, I wrote down the times of my contractions.  They were pretty regular, about 4 contractions every hour throughout the day, but they were not consistent and weren't getting any stronger.  I even went for a 4 mile walk, but they stayed about the same, which showed me it wasn't real labor that was progressing.

On Thursday morning, I lost my mucus plug so I now could be confident that my body was at least doing something to get ready for real labor.

On Thursday night around 10:00 p.m., I started having regular, pretty painful contractions.  We stayed up all night with contractions anywhere from 3 to 6 minutes apart lasting up to a minute long.

Note: Our plan was to go all natural without medication unless one of two things happened:  1) Progression stalled and they had to start pitocin, or 2) A long labor...like 24+ hours and exhaustion

By Friday morning, we decided to go to the hospital.  We had already scheduled a weekly check up and ultrasound, so we just went in early to get checked.  Around 8:30 am, we went right to the triage room and I was between 2-3 cm dilated.  I got hooked up to the monitor to watch my contractions and the baby's heart rate.  After about an hour, we went for a long walk (about another hour).  Every hour, we had to keep deciding whether we would go back home or stay in the triage room and wait for progress.  Around 11:00 am, the doctor "broke my membranes."  When she came back around noon, I was around 4 cm dilated.  We STILL didn't know what to do, go home or stay, so we just stayed and waited for progress.  All day, we were in that triage room watching contractions and waiting.

One thing I didn't expect was the hunger.  I assumed that when I was in labor, I wouldn't have much of an appetite.  WRONG.  I was starving all day.  I felt like I could eat a cow.  I wasn't technically allowed to eat, but Bryce snuck in gatorade and crackers for me.  Around 4:30 p.m., we went in for an ultrasound to check on the baby.  While we were waiting in the hallway, I broke down in tears.  I was hungry, tired, and discouraged.  I remember saying to Bryce, "I just want to make the right decision."  He was so encouraging.  He reminded me that every person is different and we need to think about what is best for us, whether it's medication or no medication.  The ultrasound showed that my water had actually broken at some point during the day and the baby was fine.

We returned to the triage room and quickly decided to be admitted to the hospital.  Finally, we were put into a nice room.  We had been keeping in touch with family and trying to update them as much as possible.  Emily arrived around 5:00 p.m..  Our parents would be on their way after dinner.

Around 7:00 p.m., going on about 20 hours of labor, the doctor came and checked me.  Right before she came in, I looked at Bryce and said, "If I'm at 7 or 8 cm, let's do this.  If I'm any less, I want the epidural."  She told me I was only 4.5 cm!  Essentially, I hadn't changed since 12:00 p.m. earlier that day.  My biggest fear was exhaustion and the possibility of not having energy to push which would result in a c-section.  We gave them the go-ahead to give me a mild pain medication.  It only lasted about 45 minutes, made me feel really drunk, but didn't take the pain of contractions away at all.  I just cared less about the pain since I felt really buzzed.  When it wore off, I just asked for the epidural.

My sweet sister supporting me...and me smiling (after epidural)

It may sound crazy, but I had 3 fears going into labor:
1. C-section.  I've never had surgery.  I've never even broken a bone.
2. Epidural.  I can't stand shots and needles.  The thought of a huge needle going into my spinal area really is too much.  I kept thinking, if this goes bad, I could be paralyzed from the waist down...
3. Tearing.  Pain. Enough said.

The anesthesiologist came in around 9:00 p.m. and I was terrified.  Once he poked and prodded and got it done, I started feeling great.  I was able to smile and talk again.  Our parents showed up and they came in to say hello.  From then on, I dilated about 1 cm per hour.  Around 2:00 a.m., I started pushing.  I pushed for about 50 minutes and then it was the most amazing moment of our lives.

Our little girl arrived and we couldn't stop crying.  We were overjoyed and simply amazed at what a gift God gave us.  When they placed her on my chest and she heard my voice, she started reaching out for my face.  It was precious.

She weighed 6 lb. 3 oz.  She was 20 in. long.  She came out crying and wide eyed.  We were amazed at how aware she seemed to be.

I wouldn't change a thing about that day.  I feel like we made the right decisions for what we knew at the time.  I tried my best to go all natural and in the end, it didn't happen, and I was fine with that.  I'm so thankful for epidurals, great doctors, sweet nurses, and most importantly, a healthy baby girl.

The sweet grandparents were up almost all night anxiously awaiting their new granddaughter.  They finally got to meet her.

The next day, Madison met some of her cousins.

Cousin Luke on the Whited side

Uncle Brett and Aunt Rachel

Cousins Abby and Aaron on the Adams side.  Aaron was so curious to see the baby.

Abby was in love.

We had a lot of sweet friends visit us in the hospital.  Madison is already so loved.

Meredith and Addison (her new best friend)

Jeff and Kate

Javier and Rebekah

Pastor Chris and Geneva

Katherine and Bynum

Even after delivery, while at the hospital, it was so surreal.  We still couldn't believe that she was OUR daughter that WE would get to take home with us.  It was just crazy.

Love.

Emily was such a huge help during the first few days.

Here we are about to head home!

Waiting

Little Miss officially was due a few days ago but my doctor will let me go about 2 weeks from September 7th to give my body and baby a chance to go into labor on their own.

Bryce asks "How are you feeling?" usually multiple times a day.  When I make phone calls to family, the first response is "Are you in labor?  Are you in the hospital?  Is everything okay?" before we continue with regular conversation.  When we go for our 3 mile walks, I usually have to slow down and even stop because my stomach gets so tight with contractions.  A couple times at night after we walk, before we fell asleep, Bryce has said, "Just wake me up if you're in labor."  Um, Bryce, do not worry, you WILL know when I am in labor.  The first time he did this, it took me 1+ hours to even fall asleep because I kept thinking about it.

We cannot wait to meet her!

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:14

Every day is one day closer to when we get to meet our sweet little girl and hold her in our arms.  So I'm trying my best to be patient, keep my mind off of this waiting game, and keep busy.  I'm sure these days will fly by, but when you are in waiting for something big and exciting and life-changing, it seems to move at a snail's pace.

If the Lord makes us wait, let us do so with our whole hearts; for blessed are all they that wait for Him.  He is worth waiting for.  The waiting itself is beneficial to us: it tries faith, exercises patience, trains submission, and endears the blessing when it comes.  The Lord's people have always been a waiting people.  

Charles Spurgeon

While I've been waiting for her arrival, I have tried some new recipes:

Oven baked fries

Source: annies-eats.com via Elissa on Pinterest

Verdict: I will make these again.  Delicious.  I used red potatoes and they turned out great.

S'mores cookies

Source: kevinandamanda.com via Elissa on Pinterest

Verdict: I don't think I'll make them again.  I thought that I would love them.  The graham crackers made the dough pretty heavy and the marshmellows melted (I used small ones, not the mini teeny ones that she used).  So you couldn't really taste the marshmellow at all.  It just tasted like a heavy chocolate chip cookie.

Lemony chicken souvlaki

Source: realsimple.com via Elissa on Pinterest

Verdict: So good.  Bryce approved.  We added mixed greens and a little sour cream mixed with white vinegar, sea salt, and pepper for a sauce.  It was a healthy, filling dinner.  We also didn't end up grilling it, I just cut up the chicken, sauteed it, then added the veggies and cooked them until the onions were tender.

Best birthday cake with swiss buttercream frosting

Source: smittenkitchen.com via Elissa on Pinterest

Verdict:  The cake was to die for.  It was comparable to a box cake with a perfect texture and awesome flavor.  The buttercream frosting was good, but not my favorite...don't think I'll do that frosting again.

Here's a picture of my version below of the BIRTHday cake (but not really since today was not a birth day for anyone in our family.  I was hoping to coax Madison out with the cake, but alas, I was unsuccessful.

Snickerdoodle Cookies

Source: smittenkitchen.com via Elissa on Pinterest

Verdict:  These cookies were awesome, just the right amount of cakey, soft, chewy, and crackle on the outside.  I will definitely make them again.

I've also got a couple Pinterest crafts on the list if she doesn't show up here soon...

Pregnancy Progress: Week 40

40 weeks.  We made it to the due date.  Apparently on my chart at the doctor, the due date was September 7th, yesterday.  On one of those pregnancy wheels and those baby websites, it was September 8th.  Plus, I have a weird thing about odd numbers, so I always went with the 8th.  Plus, it is an "estimated due date" which really means nothing at all.

Belly:

How big she is:  Big enough to be born :-)

Aches and Pains:  Uncomfortable.  My lower back started hurting last Friday.  I'm told that's a good sign.

Movement:  Same as last week, moving, but she barely has any space in there.

Sleep:  Same - not great.

Labor signs:  Same - BH contractions a few times every day, but no real contractions that I've noticed. Barely dilated, like 1/2 cm according to the doctor.

What I'm looking forward to:  I really can't wait to see her and meet her and hold her!!!!  (And to not be pregnant.)

Since last update, we had our doctor's appointment, scheduled another ultrasound to check on her next Friday, and decided to induce on September 21st (if she doesn't come out sooner).  While waiting, I'm still crossing things off my keep-busy-before-baby list...

Some things on the list:

Go eat a fantastic frank sandwich at Owens dining hall on campus.

Write letters to friends 

Pinterest craft

Try out India Garden (never been there)
Go to the new Irish Pub downtown

Clean the house

Keep trying new recipes 

Eat a cupcake downtown at Gobble Cakes

Bake a cake from scratch

Eat a mega slice of pizza at the new pizza joint near Bollo's

Walk, walk, walk

I also found this list of 101 things to do when you're overdue.  It turns out I have already done many of them!  (...I am not a list person at all.  Can you tell?)

Sidenote: THE FANTASTIC FRANK.

I finally got back to Owens dining hall on campus to eat a fantastic frank.  They are still fantastic in all their glory.  I have begged Bryce to take me but it isn't exactly his idea of "going out to eat."  So I turned to someone I knew I could count on, someone who KNOWS about fantastic franks.  Meredith and I, with 10 month old Addison, diaper bag, and 9 month pregnant me walked right into ( or "stormed" as Mere puts it) Owens to join all the 15 year olds.  Okay, I guess they are between 18-22 years old, but don't they all look 15 nowadays?   We did feel a little awkward and maybe even self-conscious.

We were so excited that they now have formed a separate line just for fantastic frank customers.  The other line was practically empty the entire time.  After enjoying every bite, we decided it was totally worth it and we need to go on campus to reminisce more often (and eat more fantastic franks).

For those who don't know about the sandwich, let me tell you about it.  It's a grilled chicken sandwich with provolone, herb-pesto mayonnaise, mixed greens, roasted red peppers, served on foccacia bread and grilled on a panini press.  Also served with a pickle and homemade potato chips salted to perfection.  I should've taken a picture of it.  I should actually just try to make it at home.

P.S. Why did they decide to paint Owens to resemble a 3 year old aquarium play place?

Pregnancy Progress: Week 39

Today marks a full 39 weeks being pregnant.  Woohoo!  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!  But pregnancy really hasn't been that hard on me, so I should not be complaining at all.

Belly:

39 weeks

How big she is: She is still around the size of a watermelon!  Around 19-22 inches long and about 7 lbs.  

Maternity clothes:  I feel like I wear the same clothes every day, but all I care about is being comfortable.  When I look in my closet, I get so excited for the new wardrobe (of my old clothes) that I'll have to choose from!  Hooray for Fall, jeans, sweaters, scarves, boots, and corduroys!

Stretch marks:  Still haven't noticed any yet...maybe that lotion is working its magic.

Aches and Pains:  Just uncomfortable...seems like all the time!

Movement:  She doesn't have anywhere to go!  But still active.  I feel less kicks and more rolling.

Sleep:  Really not great.  Can't get comfortable feeling like I have a watermelon attached to my mid section.

Food cravings:  Nothing new here.  No strong cravings.

Labor signs:  I've had BH contractions multiple times a day, especially when I go walking.  The doc told me that walking won't really put me into labor, but once in labor, it will help me progress.  I'm still trying to walk though so I can stay somewhat in shape.

Belly button:  Complete outtie.

What I miss:  Same--Sleeping through the whole night, running, having a glass of wine, and feeling more flexible to move around.  

What I'm looking forward to:  I.CANNOT.WAIT.TO.MEET.HER.  Aaaand to get her out of my belly and into my arms!!!!  Just trying to stay busy so these days go by fast.  I'm sure when she is born, I will want them to go slower because she'll grow up way too fast!

Since last update, I have finished the nursery (and finally posted about it...except the curtains).  We pre-registered at the hospital (answered a bunch of questions so that when we arrive in labor, we just walk right in and are ready to go).  I went to a breastfeeding seminar with my friend, Lucy, who is also due to have a baby girl on September 23rd (yay!).  I went to the doctor and still no dilation, but everything looks great.  We also had our first discussion on being induced.  Next week at my appointment, we'll set up a date for induction.....

I have also cleaned out the freezer, looked up new recipes to try, cleaned out the fridge, gone on walks, packed the diaper bag, made a list of things to pack for the hospital, and created a list of things to do before the baby comes.

Some things on the list:

Go eat a fantastic frank sandwich at Owens dining hall on campus.

Write letters to friends 

Try out India Garden (never been there)

Clean the house

Keep trying new recipes 
Eat a cupcake downtown at Gobble Cakes

Bake a cake from scratch

Eat a mega slice of pizza at the new pizza joint near Bollo's

Walk, walk, walk

Nursery: Before and After

Before, the nursery was just a (messy) office.  I work from home, so it was a functional space that I spent a lot of time in during the day.

After, we combined the guest bedroom and the office (by moving my desk and our book cases along one wall in the guest bedroom).  I actually love the space in the "new" office because there's more natural light during the day.  Plus, the way the room is set up, it feels like there's more space in there now.

Now, the nursery is pretty much completed (except for hanging a mobile made by a sweet friend and sewing the curtains).  I'm really happy with how it turned out.  It's not too baby-ish, not to girl-y, not too matchy, and full of bright colors and books.

I love that "M" that Meredith made me for the shower!  It's perfect!

The crib has beautiful bedding made by my older sister.  She used to have a business of making custom baby bedding on etsy.  She's incredibly talented.  The crib and mattress were a steal from Craigslist and Bryce painted it white for me.

The bookshelves were made by Bryce.  Ikea sells picture ledges exactly like it, but I figured we could make some for cheap.  Unfortunately, when I was buying the wood at Home Depot, I accidentally bought the expensive wood that is sold by-the-foot, so it ended up being the same price as the Ikea shelves would've been.  Oh well!  They're more special since Daddy made them.  I saw the below picture on Pinterest and I loved the idea of using books as artwork in the room.  I love children's books, especially the classics.

Source: projectnursery.com via Elissa on Pinterest

The glider was given to us by my older sister (THANK YOU!) and Connie and I recovered it.  I got the ottoman "pouf" at TJ Maxx.

The brown chair on the other side of the crib doesn't fit anywhere else in the house, so it stayed in the "office" now nursery.  I have to mention the beautiful cross-stitch quilt that my Aunt Christie made for Madison.  It is amazing!  I marvel at the talent and time that it took for her to do that.

Because we have a serious lack of storage/closet space, I wanted to use a long dresser as the changing table.  Above the dresser, I did a collage of things.  I saw the below picture on Pinterest and loved how she arranged the mirror and pictures, so I basically used that idea.

Source: bowerpowerblog.com via Elissa on Pinterest

I started by using scrap paper to lay out where I wanted to hang everything.  That way, Bryce would have no questions about where each should go.

I also love this lamp from Ikea.  It has a dimming function, perfect for a nursery.

After spending too much time looking on etsy for cute nursery art, I decided to try and make my own artwork for the wall using etsy finds as inspiration.  It was my first time playing around on Photoshop, but I managed to make some cute additions for the wall.

I love this verse.  I also included some maternity photos that we may or may not switch out for newborn photos later on.

There's a picture of my older sister and I playing dress-up at Nanny's house when we were pretty young.  I thought this picture is perfect for a little girl's room.  And because this part of the country is extra special to us...

There it is, folks!  Now we are just waiting for the little one to arrive so she can love her nursery and care about each detail that I spent time on (NOT).  That's okay, because I wanted to make the room one that I enjoyed since I will probably clock a lot of nursing hours in here.