When I haven't felt her kick for a few hours, I start fearing for her life. When I walk in to doctor appointments, I start fearing that there won't be a heartbeat. When I start thinking about labor, I get a little nervous (...okay, a lot nervous). When I start thinking about having the baby, I fear that she will have major health problems.
I find myself overwhelmed with so many decisions. What are you naming your baby? What is your birth plan? Will you do all natural, no epidural or medications? Will you have a doula? Are you drinking caffiene while pregnant? Are you staying away from certain foods or keeping a certain diet while pregnant? Have you taken birth classes? If so, where? Are you going to do cloth or disposable diapers? Why? What kind of car seat/crib/bedding/stroller/glider/etc/etc will you get? Are you going to keep working? If so, will you put your child in day care? If not, will you ever go back to work?
With almost every decision, it's like I have these nagging questions on top of it:
Will I be a bad mother if I do this or that?
Well she did this, should I do that?
They decided on this, is that the best?
When you're pregnant, you instantly learn that every person (especially those who already have children) has their own opinion on what to do and how to do it.
The problem is, since this is all new to me, I am constantly asking people about what they did/do to hear all the different options. I love to hear about people's experiences because I believe there is wisdom in that. But at the same time, I feel like I am just digging myself into a hole of confusion and questioning.
The best advice I have received thus far, which I've heard from only a very select few women, is:
You will figure it out. Don't worry. Do what is best for you, Bryce, and the baby. Only you know what is best for your family.
This is so true. My wise older sister sent me this article from which I found this article. I was so encouraged.
I know and trust that God will give us a sweet baby girl to love with our whole hearts no matter what. He has given us this child to take care of and to love. He will give us whatever we need in order to do that. We are not all-wise and all-knowing, but He is, and He loves us.
With all the decisions, I need to remember this quote from the article:
We are all mothering toward the same goal — that our children know and worship God. Our methods for reaching that goal may vary according to our unique families, circumstances, and the leadership of the Holy Spirit. Will he lead every believer toward the same goal? Yes. Will he lead every believer to the goal in the same way? No. And this is a very good thing.
Nancy Wilson writes,
Because every family is a distinct cultural unit, it is good that our methods differ. God did not intend for us to walk in lockstep with one another. . . . We ought to rejoice in a common commitment to biblical principles and in the variety of methods God’s people employ. (The Fruit of Her Hands, 58)
We just hosted a couple of friends this weekend, one of whom was pregnant. We talked about this very thing. Here is my input:
ReplyDelete1. Kowledge is power. Learning about different methods, different ways of raising kids, different EVERYTHING is a good thing. Of course you can't learn everything, but what you do know will help you make the best dicisions for Madison.
2. Every good mom goes through the same emotions you're feeling right now. The weight of a child is a huge one, one that will grow heavier even after the baby is here! Hwever, for each worry God has a beautiful way of reaching down and providing an extra measure of grace.
3. You were chosen to be Madison's mom! Nobody else could fill that role but you! Find confidence in the sovereign power of God and his plan for your sweet family.
Can't wait to see your sweet girl!
Wonderful post, Elissa. There are indeed so many decisions and questions to wrestle with, but it sounds like you have a great perspective.
ReplyDeleteAhhh... you aren't alone. I hope I have not ever added to these feelings by sharing something "YOU JUST HAVE TO DO, JUST LIKE ME." Because whatever "it" is that someone has a very strong opinion about... it probably is completely, entirely, inconsequential. I agree with Ashley's #2.. and the scary part is, I find myself not only feeling judged (yesterday a mom at the pool was asking me if we're going to homeschool. Whaat?! She is not even 8 months old yet!?!), but - horror of horrors - judging others. Usually this comes out simply to justify myself or feel better about my own child. Yuck. It stinks when you realize... you are the problem.
ReplyDeleteTo add to Ashley's #3 - I recently heard someone say (and I *know* this, but it was a great reminder to hear out loud) that God chooses exactly the right parents for each individual child. The parents that are best equipped to support, grow, and nurture that child's gifts and abilities so that he/she reaches their full potential. Which means, AMAZING PARENTS THAT ____ & ____ ARE (fill in with your favorite SuperParents, or people who THINK they are SuperParents...), they simply could not be even close to a good mom or dad to Madison. Only Bryce and Elissa are equipped with the right talents, gifts, dispositions, and yes, decision-making abilities, to raise Madison the way God intended, because he chose you, not anyone else, to meet her specific needs. Isn't that crazy?? It has been so encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you, too!